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- Nanook Rubs It
-
- *(Well, right about that time people
- A fur-trapper (who was strictly from commercial)
- Had the unmitigated audacity to jump up from behind my igloo (peekaboo) )
- And he started into whippin' on my favorite baby seal
- With a lead-filled snowshoe)*
-
- I said, with a
- Lead-
- Filled
- With a lead filled snowshoe
- He said, "Peekaboo"
- I said, with a
- Lead-
- Filled
- With a lead filled snowshoe
- He said, "Peekaboo"
- He went right upside the head of my favorite baby seal
- he went "whap" with a lead-filled snowshoe, and
- he hit him on the nose and hit him on the fin, and he
- that got me just about as evil as an eskimo boy can be. So I bent down
- and I reached down, and I scooped down and I gathered up a generous
- mitten-ful of the deadly *YELLOW SNOW*
-
- The deadly yellow snow, from right there where the huskies go!
-
- Whereupon I proceeded to take that mittenful of the deadly yellow snow
- crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous
- circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined
- to take the place of the mudshark in your mythology
- here it goes,the circular motion, now Rub It!
-
- *(Here Fido)*
-
- And then
- In a fit of anger
- I pounced
-
- And I pounced again
-
- Great Googly Moogly!
-
- I jumped up and down on the chest of the him
-
- I injured
- The fur trapper
-
- Well he was very upset, as you can understand
- And rightly so, because the
- Deadly yellow snow crystals had
- Deprived him of his
- Sight
-
- And he stood up, and he looked around, and he said
-
- "I can't see"
- "I can't see"
- "Oh, woe is me"
- "I can't see"
-
- "Well.....you know
- I can't see
- Nothin'"
-
- "He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye
- He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye
- And the husky wee-wee
- I mean the doggie wee-wee
- Has blinded me
- And I can't see
- Temporarily"
-
- Well, the fur-trapper stood there, with his arms outstretched across the
- frozen white wasteland, trying to figure out what he was going to do about
- his deflicted eyes. And it was at that precise moment that he remembered
- and ancient Eskimo legend, wherein it is written (on whatever it is that
- they write it on up there) that if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
- as the result of some sort of conflict with anyone named
- Nanook,
- the only way you can get it fixed up is to go
-
- Trudging across the tundra
- Mile after mile
- Trudging across the tundra
-
- Right down to the parish of St. Alphonzo